Trash Twins - Felix and Soubi

Felix wasn't sure how he was going to be able to sleep that night. He lay in his bed, eyes squinted shut as he tried to force himself asleep, but nothing seemed to be working. He tossed and turned, sighing angrily as he stared at Soubi's empty spot next to him on the bed. Felix was still feeling angry about what happened today, but of course he missed the slave greatly, and even loved him so much it had his heart hurting. He missed holding the man tightly in his arms and stroking his long hair, he missed giving him small kisses across his scarred neck and his cheeks, making Soubi feel loved... Being alone like this, after living so long with having someone by his side, was upsetting for Felix.

After their fight, Felix had gone into his study and refused to budge from the room for the rest of the night. He had made sure to lock all the windows woo, in case Soubi decided to try that old trick again. But the man never came, there wasn't a knock on his locked door or window, nothing. Soubi must've been just as angry and upset as Felix was, and rightly so, but not entirely justified, Maybe Felix was being too harsh but he really had thought they were past the pettiness and the distrust...

Guess he thought wrong.

Felix had tried getting more work done after their fight but his eyes had continued to travel to the email Bob had sent him. He didn't know why,  but he watched them again, watching Soubi intently throughout the whole thing, listening to his moans and his words of approval to Bob. A tone of voice he had used for many other master.

Felix included. He wasn't so special after all, though he thought he was. Thought that he had somehow managed to make a relationship between a master and a slave work...

Sighing again, Felix closed his eyes when he heard the door of his bedroom open. Could it be... Soubi? He thought, heart pounding in his chest. He stayed still pretending to be asleep. On one hand he wanted to stay this way, wanted Soubi to go away but another part of him wanted the slave to crawl up into his bed again. He couldn't ask for that though; well, technically, he could. He could order the slave to do whatever he wanted. Felix didn't like ordering Soubi around when they weren't in bed, but he had today for a few things. He could order Soubi to leave or stay.

But Soubi made his mind up before Felix could, leaving the room but not closing the door. Felix sighed, rolling in bed onto his back and staring at the ceiling, wondering what he should do.

It took him a while to realise since he was so lost in thought, but there was a faint light in the doorway. Was that coming from...?

Immediately Felix sat up, realising that he had been really stupid today. He hadn't deleted the videos, he realised, after watching them again. He had stupidly forgotten and now Soubi had full access to his office. He better not be there, he better not be there... Felix thought, jumping out of the bed and slowly walking to the door of his study...

There Soubi was, sitting at Felix's computer desk. Pictures he had never seen before were on the screen, of Soubi, looking a little younger than he was in various positions and gags. More email from Bob? Felix felt himself grow angrier by the second, absolutely fucking disgusted over the fact that his ex was still in contact with him and sending him things he didn't want to see. And he was angry at Soubi again.

He hadn't listened to Felix's orders.

"Soubi." Felix said in a chilling voice, standing behind the man and placing his hands firmly on his shoulders. "What do you think you're doing?" Felix said, knowing full well the answer anyway. His hands gripped on his shoulders. Felix was tired, he was angry, he was upset. And Soubi was just making everything worse, and making him feel like shit. "I've had enough of this." Felix said firmly, grabbing Soubi's hair and dragging him out of the room. He made a mental note to call Derek later or his family house phone to ask whether he could somehow manage to order the death of Bob, make it clean with no connections to any of them. But that could wait for tomorrow.

Right now he literally dragged Soubi by his hair outside of the study and to the laundry. He put Soubi in there and closed and locked the door behind him. "Stay out of my way for a little bit, would you?" He said, a tear dropping down his face as he made his way back to the study. He collapsed back into his desk, looking to see that Soubi hadn't closed to images on the screen. Immediately he started to cry again, putting his head on the desk and sobbing softly, hating that this is what became of him and the man he loved.

FELIX

Felix didn't know how long he was crying for. All he knew was that he had a headache beyond epic proportions and was shaking in disgust over himself and his actions. When he looked up from where he was laying his head down in his arms, all he saw were the pictures of young Soubi with that disgusting man and his heart throbbed horribly. He felt like he was going to be sick - he couldn't imagine how Soubi felt seeing them either.

But Soubi should have listened. He shouldn't have walked into the room, he shouldn't have been on the computer, he shouldn't have disobeyed his orders.

Felix sniffled, slumping in his chair. It... kept coming back to that huh? Always back to that. Orders. Master. Slave.

Wasn't this everything he had been trying to avoid?

"Shit... Soubi..." Looking at the time Felix shot up from his chair. So much time had passed since he had put Soubi in that room and... not a sound? Maybe he hadn't heard anything?

It made him panic.

Felix ran out of the room and to the closed door, putting his ear against it before slowly putting his hand on the knob.

"Soubi?" Felix said softly, opening the door. "Soubi, are you... okay?"

FELIX

Felix sighed, looking at Soubi in worry. He wasn't sure what to expect - if anything, he was expecting Soubi to slam the door or yell at him or something. But his tone of voice and the way he stood - not meeting Felix's eyes - wasn't something Felix had been anticipating.

He should be hated for this right? Yet Soubi was 'fine'?

"I'm sorry Soubi." Felix said softly. "I... I shouldn't have done that. Are you sure you're okay?" Felix said, reaching out to touch Soubi's sore-looking shoulder, the thought of maybe massaging it better in his head.

FELIX

Felix's hand stayed suspended a little where he had reached to touch Soubi's shoulder, slowly falling to his side when Soubi said he didn't want to be touched. He should respect that, though all of his heart was telling him to just hug the man in front of him and apologise and make everything better again. Like it had been before.

Could it ever be like before?

At the word 'master', Felix froze. Soubi seemed to, as well. That horrible, gut-wrenching feeling he had seemed to get worse.

He had fucked it up. He had fucked it all up.

"C-come on Soubi. You can say my name. Like you have before. You don't need to call me that..."

IfuckedupIfuckedupIfuckedupIfuckedupIfuckedup-

"Yes Soubi. You can get out of here." Felix said, stepping out of the doorway so Soubi could leave. "I... I'm sorry. I won't do that again Soubi. Are you sure you're okay?"

FELIX

I'm not okay...

"Shit. Fucking shit." Felix muttered under his breath as he watched Soubi walk away. He stayed alone by the laundry, the headache from earlier still not subsided - in fact, it was even worse now.

Was what he done to Soubi that bad that the man practically brushed him off like that?

Of course it was. You threw him in there like a dog. The man you love,
you treated him like a dog.

But if Soubi had listened...

No, don't blame him. You should have asked instead of jumped to conclusions-

He should have listened to you.

Sighing angrily, Felix walked over to the kitchen. He stayed at the doorway, glancing at Soubi.

"I'm going to bed. We should sleep this off. Join me when you're done. Understand?"

He hadn't meant for his voice to sound that demanding - but with the thoughts of what happened that day fresh in his mind it was hard to cover up that anger within him. He hadn't been so pissed off earlier - he was worried, in fact. But now...

He didn't know what to feel.

Soubi looked over at Felix as he spoke, bowing his head and turning it away from him after he was done speaking. A sadness washing over him as he heard that,
a fucking order. Just when Soubi thought he could see a new life for himself here he was back in the basement, or rather laundry room in this case, again.

"Yes Master." he said taking another drag of his smoke as he sat there a heavy feeling in his chest of this whole situation he was in. When he was done he washed his glass and headed in to the room he and Felix had shared for so long now, knocking on the door hearing Felix telling him to enter before going inside. Changing into some of the old clothes he had brought with him, standing at the foot of the bed looking at the sheets wondering what in the world he was trying to say to the man as he opened up his mouth.

"I'm sorry Master, i should have listened..." he said softly wrapping his arms around himself again, feeling so lost right now and so...scared. Something he hadn't felt in a long long time and something he didn't think Felix could make him feel anymore. Clearing his throat Soubi wiped his eyes slightly, not sure what to do or say anymore. "I'll... go to my room now. Goodnight Master." he said heading to the laundry room and sitting in the corner near the washer, pulling his knees to his chest as he closed his eyes trying to block out the rest of his memories.

FELIX

Yes Master.

So was this to be their fate then? Every single fucking time they took a step forward they took three back, and ended up at that same area as before. It fucked with Felix more than he could ever imagine - he had tried, tried to push those roles away hadn't he? Weren't they past that? Didn't they call each other 'Soubi' and 'Felix'?

It pissed Felix off at how much this was spiralling out of control but he couldn't hide away from the heaviness of guilt that weighed on his shoulders as he sat on his bed and waited for Soubi to come in.

"Come in." He said at the knocking at his door, watching it creek open and Soubi walked in.

He was quiet as he got changed and Felix's eyes followed him over the room. Part of him wanted to just hug Soubi and apologise and beg for forgiveness - but another part of him wanted to make sure the man knew that Felix always had what was best for him in mind.

His heart was tearing into two pieces and Felix didn't know what to do.

Before he could get a word in, Soubi spoke again. Felix watched him intently, heart beating loudly. He felt so horrible. He felt so disgusting for thinking the way he did.

His mouth was too dry to say anything to keep Soubi with him that night.

As Soubi left, Felix fell onto the bed, covering himself with the blanket.

"Enough with the act already." Was the only thing he called out before laying his head on the pillow.

Everything will be fine tomorrow. Everything will be better...

Enough with the act already.

That was all Felix has said to Soubi, and it hurt worst than anything else Soubi had endured in his life. Falling asleep wasn't easy but he did it, staying there until morning when he woke up to the sound of the birds outside the window. The thought of leaving crossed his mind but he stayed where he was not even sure if he had a place in the home anymore, if he could even call it his home any more. Laughing a smoke Soubi stayed in the room. Was the act Felix spoke of the one of them being in love? Had it all beentries a act to the man? Was this what they were really like. Soubi had no idea he was hurt and confused and...scared.part of him wanting Felix to hold him and make him feel safe once more, but the other part was worried such and thing ight never happen again.

Soubi looked up at Felix hearing him speak, looking away from him as soon as he was done. "Is that an order Master?" He asked him stating where he was, taking a drag from his smoke. Thinking about how similar this felt to before, no he couldn't think that that. Felix was different...wasn't he? Standing up Soubi walked out of the room making sure like before he didn't touch Felix heading to the kitchen and tying on his apron. "I'll make your breakfast now master."
He told him, getting out some eggs and bacon, trying to go over the list he had made in his head on how Felix was different.

Felix is kind.

He was.. very kind to me..

Felix loves me.

Though was it an act?

Felix never orders me around.

Expect for... no he's ordered me around outside of there too...

His thoughts consuming him Soubi didn't even noticed the bring pan of eggs in from of him, he list in his head seemed to be getting smaller and smaller the more he thought. Had it all been an act? Had Felix acted in such a way to make Soubi trust him? Lure him into that warmth of his to get what he wanted and now...after those videos didn't want him anymore?

FELIX

Felix sighed, holding back his tongue at Soubi asking him about breakfast being an order. The way he said it too - in such a voice.... Felix hadn't heard that before had he? Even when he first bought Soubi the man had fought tooth and nail against him and was never passive. Even when they were getting along, he hadn't heard Soubi sound like this.

Why did he sound like he had given up?

...and why wasn't Felix happy about it - because wasn't that his goal all along?

Following him to the kitchen, Felix hovered around watching as Soubi got to work. "Soubi we can make breakfast together you know? You don't have to do it just for me..." Felix said, though he wasn't sure if Soubi was even listening. At this stage the man looked lost in thought.

And the eggs were burning.

"Ah, Soubi!" Felix said worriedly, reaching out to turn off the burner at the stove and taking the pan away. His hand immediately reached for Soubi's own one, a firm girp. He brought it too his lips.

"Soubi. Please don't pull away." Felix said softly, bringing Soubi's hand up to kiss it again and again. "Please... I'm sorry. Let's just put this behind us... okay? It was just a stupid thing that happened and it won't happen again. Okay?"