Trash Twins - The Original Garbage (Priviate Please Keep Out~!)

Soubi

Soubi shook his head hearing Lucas ask if he left due to Felix, while it might have been part of it it wasn't the only reason. "No I didn't leave because of Felix, I let because I needed to figure out some things. I got a job I liked, a roommate, but I couldn't wait to get back to your brother, and you too of course." he told him lighting a smoke as the walked. "My own brother and I don't speak. I wish it didn't have to be that way, but you and Felix have a real shot at not getting to that point. I'm sorry if my leaving put unneeded stress on the two of you. It was no one's fault." he said trying to explain what happenened as best he could to an 8 year old.

Sighing softly, Soubi took a long drag from his smoke. "How has he been, Felix? Seems like he hasn't been taking the best care of himself as of late. I'm worried, should I be?" he asked knowing it was a lot to ask of the boy but he needed some input right now on the man. He had seen the markings but...he really didn't want to beileve that Felix had fallen apart that much.

It was all his fault after all.

Derek

Derek woke up the next morning, seeing Bassy wrapped up in his arms and smiling softly at the sight. Thinking back to last night he groaned softly, he hadn't been able to touch Bassy then, thinking back to what he had said about making love and sighing softly. He was never good with words not at all, written or spoken they seemed to swarm his ears like wasps drowning out his thoughts till he soon found himself frozen with tht hard glare on his face. Words always seemed to fail him, part of the reason why he always thoughts that actions could say a lot more than a few sweet words ever could. Though this time it seemed his actions had failed him.

He would have to fix that.

Getting up out of the bed, Derek froze slightly, it was routine that if he woke up first he would get up and do his own thing till that time came that Bassy would awaken. But maybe that could change today. Getting into the bed, Derek wrapped his arms around Bassy once more, thinking it might be nice to wake up with one another like this. Or at least he hoped Bassy would think so.

Derek

Derek nodded hearing Bassy tell him that he loved him, holding him a bit tighter to his chest as he did. "I thought it be nice to wake up together for once." he told him in a slightly tired voice. Truth was he always got up so early and so fast cuz if he didn't he tended to stay in bed as long as he could which wasn't a good thing when he had people who needed him off doing things and being the head of the family.

But for Bassy it was well worth it.

Sighing softly, Derek opened his eyes and looked down at Sebastian, wanting to stay like that all day if he could but knew he had things to see to that would not wait. "I don't want to leave.." he told him thinking there were a lot of people that knew him that would kill over in shock with how he acted with Sebastian. That he really could be a sweet and caring lover, and not the usual stone faced mob monster he was known to be. Even with the twins, he was kind, but firm as expected.

Bassy was different to him though.

Ever since that night at the bar without meaning to, the man in bed with him had invaded his head, his thoughts, his dreams and of course his heart. Every wall that he had carefully placed around him growing up, each one having a memory and reason attached to it. And each one had been broken down and beaten away by the wrecking ball that was Sebastian Iker.

"You love me more than you should though, even followed me into this lifestyle. Full of bad people doing bad things, and I'm the king of all of them"

Soubi

Dr. Gary?

Felix was seeing a doctor, was it for the problem that Soubi had seen at the apartment?

Was he seeking out help from someone else?

Why was he hiding all this from him?

Was he not to be trusted?

Had he lost that right?

Nodding softly Soubi kept walking, picking up the pace as bit as he saw the house come into view it had been so long, and he was so happy to be back even if it wasn't under the exact conditions he would have liked. But it was time for him to come home, and as the saying always went.

Make plans and watch Fate laugh.

All his plans had been laughed at by fate

He had planned on living his life as a slave.

He had planned on never falling in love with anyone.

He had planned on being alone for the rest of his days really.

Though he was happy that those all had failed in the end, fate was kind.

Reaching the house, Soubi sighed softly. It was a happy sigh though he was happy to be back home. Entering the house Soubi removed his shoes "We're home." he called out into the house, thinking he had never really said something like that before, even as a child. The house he grew up in was never really a home so much as a place to keep him out of the outside world. Though here in Felix's house, he really did feel at home there.

Even if it was a huge mess.

"I see that Felix was in charge of keeping up the house." He told Lucas, thinking it was bad or rather not as bad as he thought it as going to be like the last two times he had returned. Granted it wasn't super clean, but it wasn't a total disaster like he had expected.

Sebastian

Sebastian winced when Derek gave him a firm no, understanding why the other would be so upset with the idea of having his mother come and stay with them. It's not that Sebastian wanted it either, but after hearing her desperate voice he couldn't just let her suffer.

It had been years after all. She had probably changed somehow right? Otherwise she wouldn't have sounded so upset and genuine over the phone.

Even if she had hurt him. Sebastian couldn't let her suffer.

Getting up from the bed, Sebastian hobbled over to Derek, covering himself with the sheets. He stood on his toes to give the man a soft kiss on his lips before breaking apart and staring into those dark eyes of his. "I know you're not happy but please Derek, I can't leave her alone. She didn't mention my father either, and he was way worse than her. If she's by herself then maybe things will be different." Sebastian told him with a sigh. "Just... let me try. If things aren't going well we can kick her out or find her a place to crash or something."

Sebastian knew Derek wasn't going to be pleased about this. After all, Derek had been doing what he could to protect Sebastian from everything, cared about him immensely and for that Sebastian was so, unbelievably thankful. But Derek couldn't protect Sebastian from everything right? And Sebastian would risk being hurt again if it meant that he would be able to finally bury the hatchet with his parents. He might not be able to forgive and he certainly won't be able to forget, but it would give him peace of mind.

Plus, he was older now. Sebastian could take care of himself... right?

"She's pretty far away, I'm sending out a car. You should be back from work today before she arrives. Just... try to play nice. Please. I'll make it up to you later." Sebastian asked, hoping this wouldn't turn to shit before it even started.

ONE WEEK LATER

FELIX

He's... having a friend over...

Felix's fingers slowly pushed down on the keyboard, a sighing softly. It had been a week since Soubi was back and things had been... weird. In Felix's opinion, that is. He felt as though both he and Soubi were tiptoeing on eggshells around each other. For Felix, he was just terrified of Soubi finding out what he had been doing to himself when everyone was asleep - the way he retreated to the laundry room where he had locked Soubi in all those months ago, doing to himself what he felt he deserved. And much like Soubi had worn turtleneck tops to hide his scars, Felix had been doing the same, even when he slept.

He just couldn't let Soubi find out.

Plus, the mood in the house seemed to have shifted. Felix could see it, almost, especially with this new Soubi he had encountered. The man was truly not a slave anymore, and not just because Felix had ripped up the papers that said he owned him. In his walk, in his talk, in his attitude - Soubi had grown and it both scared Felix and angered him too. Because with this new attitude, Soubi could leave him any time again.

And it pissed him off because who the fuck gave Soubi permission to change like this?

No, you can't think like that anymore. Felix thought to himself. This is Soubi's house too. He can have whoever he wants over. But still... Felix bit his lip, hands falling to his side. He couldn't concentrate on work anymore. I'm just... going to have a bit of a peek and see what they're up to. Getting out of his chair, Felix made his way out of his study to where he knew Soubi and his friend were. He stood at the doorway, looking curiously to where the two were, eyes widening at what he saw.

THAT NIGHT

SEBASTIAN

Sebastian was nervous as fuck.

Shit, he hadn't seen his mother in fucking years, and the last time he had she was arguing with Sebastian's father again about being in debt. Sebastian had snuck out of the house through the window of the bathroom with a large backpack to the sound of his father throwing something across the room and calling his name. He had run and run and run and never, ever looked back. He had taken a bus with the little money he had managed to save and let it take him far away so he wouldn't have to deal with his trash-filled life with a drunkard pisspot father and prostitute mother.

And now she was back, and Sebastian prayed to every fucking star in the sky things would change. Derek and his father were able to get on after all these years - surely Sebastian and his mother could mend their relationship too.

Though Sebastian knew Derek wasn't happy at all with this decision. He was sure if he had it his way, the man sitting inside the house would make it so his mother wasn't alive. But Sebastian couldn't let that happen - he needed to try meeting her again. He had to.

But he was scared shitless as he saw the car he had sent with a member of the family to pick up his mother. She stepped out when it was parked, looking much older than Sebastian had ever remembered seeing her - he face was saggy, wrinkled, covered in smudged make-up and framed by messy hair that only betrayed what she had been doing before arriving here.

"M-mother," Sebastian said as she turned to look his way. He looked a lot like her, more than he did his father, but it was so strange to be seeing that face that looked like his own so many years later.

His mother - Penny - smiled at him softly as she stepped forward and it settled Sebastian a little. "Sebastian..." She said, reaching up to cup his face. "Wow... you've grown so much since I last saw you." She paused for a moment before taking her hand back.

Only to slap Sebastian's cheek hard, and have the man step back and look at her with wide eyes.

"All these years spent growing and you never fucking thought to check up on your poor mother and father? What a disgrace of a child you are."

"M-mother-"

"Don't you mother me. A good son would have at least called the family he walked out on. Fucking pissed your father off for months when he couldn't find you, and who do you think he took it out on? Bastard's dead now, so serves him fucking right."

Sebastian looked at her in shock, watching as she walked past him and into the house. Where was the mother he was speaking to on the phone? The one who was near tears and needed help?

Had things truly not changed?

Rubbing his cheek and blinking away his watery eyes as he ran to catch up to his mother, ho walked into the mansion.

"You've been living in a fucking mansion this whole time? While I lived in that shithole from when you were a child? Absolutely fucking disgusting of you." Penny said, looking around and dumping her coat on the floor. Her eyes scanned the room, and rested onto the frame of one person. "And you live here with people? Who the hell are you?" She asked the person.

FELIX

Felix heard the other man speaking to him, heard Jun introducing himself, saw the hand that reached out to shake his own, but none of that could matter to the blonde haired man at the moment. His eyes were fixated on Soubi, standing in the middle of the room with his once long, hip length hair cut short. It wasn't completely gone but a lot of it had been cut off, and the rest styled and layered. It suited him a lot.

But Felix hated it. And he was so angry that Soubi had gone and cut the hair he had loved to touch and pet and play with. He got it cut, without even asking Felix's opinion. Felix had thought the man was joking when he said he wanted to cut it back in the restuarant when they reunited a week ago...

With a sickening feeling washing over him, Felix realised that in a way with this new found friend and independence...

He was losing Soubi.

"Get out of my house." Felix said to Jun, completely ignoring the man and walking to Soubi. He waited until he heard the front door closed before he gave the man his attention. "You cut you hair without telling me?" He asked reaching up to grab it, to feel what it had become. His sleeve started to fall down though, so he stopped himself short before drawing his hand back and glaring at Soubi. "You're not allowed to get your hair cut from now on. I don't like that you think you can make decisions like that, or that you think you can invite people I don't know over to my house. What the hell Soubi? You leave me for months in agony and now you're just here thinking you can do whatever you want?" Felix told him,his voice raising with each word. "If you were going to come back to me, then why the hell did you leave me at all!?"

Soubi

Soubi looked at Jun as his friend looked at him in shock over Felix's attitude.Just go Senpai I'll call you later.Soubi told him, seeing the man nod and leave the house without another word, Soubi watching the door shut and keeping his eyes on the door as he heard Felix start speaking to him looking at the man and seeing him reaching for him before pulling back at the last minute.

What the hell was his problem?

Wait.

It was still the same one as before.

The reason why he had left before to change it.

But it seemed maybe he came home too soon if this was how it was going to be.

Before, he would have said sorry and let it be.

But not now.

He was done being weak.

"If I wanna cut my hair, I'll cut my hair Felix. If I want to see my friends, I'm going to see them. If  wanted to prance down the street naked in a tutu, I'm gonna go prance down the street in a tutu. You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do with my own body while I have to sit in our bedroom alone while you mutilate yours!"Soubi asked him, not meaning to let it slip he knew, but damn how could Felix tell him he loved him, when he still was treating him like the slave he was when he first arrived."And you wanna take about agony Felix? You wanna talk about pain? How about being treated like something less, something worthless. Never having a fucking say in anything that happens to you or your body? Then to have the person treating you like that be the one person you love more than anything?! You wanna talk about hurting Felix lets talk cuz I gots lots to spill.He told him not willing to back down from this fight.

Not.

This.

Time.

Enough was fucking enough.

"You want a slave Felix, want me to be only that nothing more fine come one lets play that game once more.Soubi said taking Felix's hand and leading him to the bedroom, Sobui taking off his shirt once they were inside the familiar room, heading over to the chest of drawers and grabbing the one object that made him so sick that Felix still had after all this time.

That fucking collar.

Walking back over Soubi placed it in Felix's hands, turning around and moving what hair was left away from his scarred neck, making sure to remove the bandages he kept there.

"You want me to be a slave at least give me the uniform to match Master."

[/i]

SEBASTIAN

Sebastian shook his head when he heard the man ask his mother to leave, unwilling to accept that this is how things would end before they even started. "Derek, please, give her a chance." He pleaded, squeezing the man's hand more tightly. His mother smirked in response. "You're threatening me? Honey do you know what I've been through?" Peggy said, lighting up a smoke.

"I survived a goddamn fucking shoot-out that killed my husband. I know the heads - both kinds of head, mind you - of gang leaders, drug lords, and club owners. Your little threat to 'get rough with me' is a joke. Plus, my son wants me here, don't you Sebastian? You're going to take care of the mother you left behind to rot away that day, right?"

Instantly Sebastian felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He hadn't ever felt bad about leaving the shithole he used to live in, but now his past was coming back for him and it was smashing him in the face with a hammer. For the sake of making ends meet, he was going to get through this - with or without Derek's support. "Y-yes mom." Sebastian said in a smal voice while his mother nodded her head. "Good. About fucking time you stopped being selfish and thought of other people around you, Sebastian. Now who's the fucker holding your hand who told me to leave?" Peggy took a drag from her cigarette, narrowing her eyes at Derek.

"M-mother, this is Derek. He's my partner." Sebastian told her, squeezing Derek's hand again. Peggy raised an eyebrow before a knowing look came onto her face. "Ah. I see. Following in my footsteps, then?" "What?" "I had 'partners' too Sebastian. Is he paying you with this home for your services?" Peggy asked, Sebastian's cheeks going red. "N-no! It's not like that. I love him, we're together." Peggy rolled her eyes, moving closer to the two.

"Don't lie. What would anyone see in trash like you? Hey, Derek was it? If you want a real good time, you should come to me." She smirked at the man, giving him a wink.

FELIX

Felix stared at Soubi in shock, heart racing in his chest. He felt like he was going to throw up - the tone of Soubi's voice was so serious, full of a mix of anger and hurt it nearly had Felix crumpling in a ball on the floor. What's worse was that somehow, Soubi knew. Soubi knew Felix had been hurting himself and it made the blonde feel even more sick. It was a weakness, a flaw in the perfectly cultivated facade he had moulded over the years to convince himself and everyone else he was worth a damn.

Now everything was crumbling before his very eyes.

His relationship.

His life.

His reflection in Soubi's green, angry eyes.

"I never treated you like anything less. I've told you from the beginning I loved you and wanted you by my side - you were the one with the ridiculous fucking idea that I was lying." Felix shouted back, voice shaking. Yes, he had. He had done exactly that without realising it at first.

And then realising.

And abusing it.

When Soubi grabbed his arm and lead him to the bedroom, Felix pulled back, only realising with horror that the man was somehow in control. Was it because Felix had stopped eating properly? Was his will and fight not strong enough?

Why was he being lead around like this, when he was the one who was supposed to lead?

Holding the collar Soubi had shoved into his hands, Felix's fingers shook as he stared at the nape of the man's scarred neck. He didn't want a slave - he wanted someone who would love him and listen to him and keep him company when he was feeling sad and upset. He wanted someone to spend the rest of his life with, someone who wouldn't mind giving him that feeling of control he had never had in his entire life.

...He wanted...

He...

Felix...

He didn't know what he wanted anymore.

He thought he wanted Soubi.

But Soubi...

Changed.

He was stronger.

He could leave at any second and survived.

And that scared Felix to death.

Soubi - with his words and his actions - might as well be cutting him with the knife he used to cut himself.

Felix threw the collar on the ground and turned Soubi towards him, slamming his back against the wall. "How dare you come back and throw accusations in my face. Did you even bother thinking about me for one second while you left me alone here? Did you even spare me a thought, about how you going would affect me? You think I like mutilating my body? I do it, because that's how you make me feel - you hurt me, Soubi, you hurt me all over, you broke my goddamn heart and you're still doing it now. And the worst part is you know shit about my past and who broke it the first time - and you did exactly as he did and left me here crying over someone I love." Felix shoved Soubi back against the wall again before stepping back. Reaching for his sleeves, Felix pushed them up, revealing the many scars that littered his arms, most of them still red and raw and fresh, others carved into his skin forever. "Me hurting myself isn't my goddamn fault - it's yours Soubi, because you fucking left me alone like a goddamn dog."

Soubi gasped feeling Felix slam him into the wall, looking up at him as he asked him literally one of the worst questions to ask him.

Did you even bother thinking about me for one second while you left me alone here?

He really had no idea did he?

"Of course I did because you are all I ever think about!" he told him, gripping his pants in his hands. "Ever since I fell in love with you, there's been nothing on my mind but you, it's so full of you sometimes it scares me! What would Felix like, would Felix want this or that, what's Felix doing right now I wonder, why does someone like Felix even bother with someone like me?" he said wiping the wetness from his eyes.

"God damn it, I wish you could just see for yourself that I am giving this all I am, but for fucks sake Felix I'm not like you, or Sebastian or Derek or anyone else!" he told him, hearing him speak about his knowing his past, and his should having had know better. Why was his job to know better. Wasn't it Felix's job to treat him better? Better than anyone else ever had?

"I'm sorry if for once in my life I wanted something to be my choice Felix. Yes I cut my fucking hair, because every time I looked at it in the mirror I could just see every inch showing me how long it had been, since i even could, down to the fucking ends when I was 16 and thrown into that basement without a care. I need those memories out my life, if I ever want to move on or grow to be a real fucking human being." he told him, closing his eyes tight but it was no use his tears were freely falling now.

"I left so I could be someone you would be proud to call yours. Someone who was a real person with a job, a car, a life, instead of this huge fucking disaster that I really am inside. You said once I was ruined, and I've been trying to fix myself and pick myself off of the ground but every time I do you seem to push me back down. Just because I change my hair or my habits doesn't mean I'm going to leave you Felix what will make me want to leave is this! How can you look at me and say you haven't still been looking at me like a slave this whole time?!? How can you lie to me like that? Or do you just not know?! Do you not get that my whole life it feels I've been treated this way, like some prize or some object to be taken from the world and hidden away only to be used for others sick amusement?? I'm tired of being like that man in those tapes Felix, I just want to be some one good, some one honest, I just want to be some one for once and not some thing." he shouted, looking as Felix removed his sleeve, turning his head away at those words that burned like poison, eating him alive from the inside out.

"F-Felix I... I never... I never wanted to hurt you.....ever." he tokd him sinking to the floor, covering his eyes with his hands. Fuck he had never wanted to do this, even from the start of thier sorted love affair his number one mission had been to never hurt Felix or make him upset, yet there was the proof of all his failures echoed in Felix's skin mocking him with every red and bruised line. "I never wanted to make you upset...but maybe that part of the problem. I've butter trying so hard to do right by you, make sure not to hurt you as much as I can. And you don't seem to have the slightest worry for me in return. Fuck....

Do you even love me?

Or thr fact that you could control me?"

FELIX

Each word that came out of Soubi's mouth was a blade that scraped Felix's skin. It was a punch in the gut, a smash on the head, a kick to the stomach, a push, a shove. It was the weight of the world on his shoulders growing and growing at his disgust at himself and the guilt that bubbled up inside him for what he had said to the man he loved, the man he knew he'd always love.

And Soubi loved him too. Felix knew it deep down in his heart from his head to his toes to his very core that Soubi loved him. Probably better than Felix did, considering he was talking about how he had left in order to be someone Felix could be proud of.

But I am proud of you.

I've always been proud of you.

I've always treated you like an equal.

...

No.

That's not true.

Felix hadn't treated Soubi as an equal. He thought he did, but he was using that as an excuse to cover up the fact that he was living a one-sided ideal of what love should be. The love that had been him and Bob, which he realised years afterwards was a fake kind. One he was pushing onto Soubi and sugarcoating it to be as delicious as possible for him.

Because he was terrified of being left alone again.

Felix needed somebody. He needed Soubi, more than he could ever think.

And he was pushing him away as if he were nothing but garbage.

Felix could hear the sincerity in Soubi's voice and knew the man wasn't lying when he said he never wanted to hurt him. And all the pain from the cuts on his arms was not - as Felix had shouted only moments ago - Soubi's fault.

Walking forward, Felix fell onto his knees in front of Soubi, his sobs and cries ringing Felix's ears.

"I've always worried about you." Felix whispered, bringing his forehead down to rest on Soubi's head. "When you left I was worried about what would happen to you because you've never been exposed to a life outside a home you were supposed to be in. I was worried that someone so beautiful and kind-hearted like you would be snatched away to live the life you were forced into again and again. I worried so much for your safety when you ran away from me the first time, and worried again this last time.

But... I worried about myself more."

Tears slipped down Felix's cheeks as he reached for Soubi's hands, prying them away from his crying face. He held them to his chest, right over his heart. "You hear how fast it's beating? It's because I'm a coward. It's because I'm weak. You've put me on a pedestal that I don't deserve, and I feel like I can't make a mistake because of it. But I'm always making mistakes, I'm always fucking up when it comes you to, and that makes me frustrated because I love you.

Yes, I'll admit, I loved the control I had over you. I did. But more than that, I loved who you were Soubi. I love you for you.

And I'm trying to accept that you're reclaiming your life. I'm trying to be happy for you and let you be free to explore what you want to be. It's just... so hard for me to see  you use your wings, when I'm still stuck in a cage I've outgrown yet can't leave. I said you were ruined and thought I was here to fix you up... but I'm just as broken Soubi. Not in the way you've been, but in a way that's driving me close to insanity. And it's hurting you, and killing me. That's why I'm hurting myself - because I deserve the pain that I've pushed onto you."

Bringing Soubi's hands up to his lips, Felix kissed them. He kissed each finger, he kissed the palms, he kissed the back, until every single inch had been touched by his lips. "I'm sorry I tried to control you when I told you I wouldn't. I'm sorry I blamed you for my actions. I'm sorry I thought I was treated you like a king when I was really treating you like trash. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through Soubi. I'm sorry I'm not the man who could treat you right and treat you well. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

SEBASTIAN

Hearing Derek speak so fondly of him to Sebastian's mother had the man's heart swelling. Fucking bastard could always make him melt within a matter of seconds, while Derek himself was always cool as a cucumber. He was, however, so thankful Derek was able to hold it together and not do as he had said he was going to do and shoot Sebastian's mother.

No, Sebastian could fix this. He would. Right then and there he promised himself he'd do his best to make sure his mother was safe here so that she'd know he cared enough for her to want to create the stable relationship they never had. He swore to himself he wouldn't raise a hand against his mother just so that she'd never see him as the violent monster that was his drunkard father.

But it was hard. Already Sebastian could feel his heart racing and his lip quivering because of words that were hurting him more than ever.

"Watch my step, huh? I've been in the game longer than you have and I've done it in heels. You're still a baby compared to my years of experience out on the field." Peggy said as Derek walked away before turning back to speak with a smirk on his face.

Sebastian knew that smirk and even though it was never directed at him with malicious intent, it still caused a shiver to go up his spine when he saw it plastered on Derek's face.

It meant Derek wasn't fucking around, and that his mother better watch out.

Or else.

Watching as Peggy's face turned into a look of shock after hearing Derek's name, Sebastian waited until the man was gone with the men who had called him before finally speaking to his mother. "Are you alright?" He asked, stepping closer.

Only to receive another slap in the face. "Hanging out with the Maurizio family... You've brought me into a death trap. I've slept with almost every single gang leader in this city - the Maurizio family is the only exception. Do you know what they do to people like me?" His mother said to him, voice filled with crazed worry. Sebastian blushed slightly. "But mother, you're the one who needed place to stay, and Derek was able to offer you a place in his home."

"Oh yes, how noble of him. How noble of you to have a change of heart now. Tell me, if I hadn't gone through every method I could to find your number and call you, would you have contacted me? Would you have contacted your father?"

Sebastian froze, looking away. No. I wouldn't. He thought guiltily. "That's right. We never crossed your goddamn mind did we? If I hadn't called you, you wouldn't have known that your father died at the hands of gang members or that I had to do disgusting things to survive in this fucking shithole of a life. And now you're whoring yourself around here to the Maurizio family and putting people like me - who really need the money - out of business?"

"I told you, I don't whore around." Sebastian said in a firm voice. "I'm here because Derek and I are in love with each other, and have devoted our lives to each other."

"Oh, rub it in why don't you. You fucking waste of space. You know you were supposed to help your father and I the day you ran? You were supposed to be rented out so that we'd have enough money to pay off our debts. But you fucking left, and we were broke. And so we were the ones paying the price for the rest of our lives until they finally put the gun up to your father's head and pulled the trigger. As much of a fucking bastard he was, sometimes I wish that had been you. God. I need another fucking smoke."

At that, Peggy turned and walked off down the hall, lighting up another smoke as she did, leaving Sebastian alone. It wasn't long before he made his way to his and Derek's room and collapsed onto their bed, crying silently into a pillow.

Because maybe Derek was right and this couldn't be something he could fix, even though he really wanted it to work out between him and his mother. He wanted it so badly it made his heart hurt, but what made him hurt most was the guilt he was feeling. Maybe this entire thing was his fault. Maybe if he hadn't left all those years ago, he'd had have a better relationship with them.

But then he wouldn't have lived his life the way he wanted.

And he never would have met Derek, who he just wanted to hug and hold right now because he was the only person who ever, ever in his entire life, appreciated and loved him.

"Come home soon Derek." Sebastian whispered into his pillow, wanting nothing more than his lover to come home.[/i]